I like to think that I am a bit of a genius. I have always been good with numbers, and I am always learning. This week, I tried to convince my husband that he should go on a diet and lose a few pounds. I didn’t really think he would go for it, but it was one of those ideas that you have to try at least once.
It was one of those things that I had to try because I really wanted to lose weight, but also because I thought it would be really, really helpful for us to talk about our weight loss journey.
I thought the idea of telling my husband he was wasting away on a diet before telling him how he looked was a bit off, but I felt like it was worth the few extra minutes it took me to say it. I was right. He gave in. He just didn’t have the energy for it.
Of course, he also had a point. We spend a lot of time together, and I have a lot of trouble telling him what I’m doing. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I’m self-aware. I like to say things to him when I know I’m being a bitch. It’s not that he hates me, it’s just that he’s trying hard to not show up at all in my day-to-day life.
This is what I think was the difference. I’m self-aware. He doesnt seem to have a problem with that at all. He doesnt seem to care what Im doing at all.
A couple of times I’ve used a quote about my own self-awareness. He was never able to get it right, so Im self-aware.
Im sure it is possible to be self-aware and still not be aware of yourself. But I’m pretty sure that most of us are aware of ourselves. Our brains are wired to make associations that allow us to identify when someone is upset, angry, or disappointed and make a decision to take a step back so we can be more in the moment and not be triggered by them.
I think that most of what we are self-aware of is not very helpful. It’s actually really frustrating. Like every morning I would wake up, and I would wake up, and I would wake up, and sometimes I would wake up and I would wake up and it would be like Im just going back to sleep. I don’t know if Im supposed to feel that way every day, but Im sure I know how to use it.
I hate being self-aware about myself, and I know when I am not self-aware to be in the moment. I’m so scared like I’m in a plane crash or something. I don’t feel like I have to do things, I have to go to work. I feel like I should be doing something, but I don’t. I have too many feelings. The reason why I feel so scared is because I dont know why I’m scared when I’m not scared.
In Deathloop we don’t have a choice. We can do something good, and we can do something bad. But we can’t do something good until we have a plan to change our mindset or to change our life. When we’re in a time loop, we’re not the only person who will feel scared. If we have to, we tend to get scared, and it’s much more difficult when we’re in a time loop.